… my tongue no longer remembers how to cook quick lies to hide obvious truths,
like those behind the many bruises & scars that shower my once-smooth body,
or why sun shades suddenly are no longer my favourite thing to wear.
… my eyes no longer lose sleep over mean, degrading words which leave me feeling smaller, weaker than i am,
until i no longer see myself human, good enough but only flaws & insecurities.
… my heart no longer skips beats at the sound of my lover’s feet at the door, wondering if today is one of the—rare—good days
or if i should ready myself for the expected unexpected.
when i think about you & how i ended up in that mess with you & how it got so bad so quick i didn’t see it coming & why i endured for so long afterwards,
i can’t believe i lived that lie!
but it goes without saying,
that ever since i left you, i’m in a better place.
yeah, it gets lonely sometimes, on some days,
but boy, do i sleep very well at night!
which alone is freedom enough i wouldn’t trade for not’n else.
i walk head-high with shoulders square
because i have no shame and i feel no fear.
my body no longer trembles with shame
when i tell the story of what you did to me.
in fact it is a story i’ve come to own as mine,
it is a story of nakedness; yet a story of dignity
a story of tolerating foolishness; yet a story of patience
a story of broken and whole, beauty in the ugly, self doubt and fearfulness mashed together in one unholy mess of a body,
yet, it is a story of a woman’s journey to finding grace, salvation & worth, and the greatest form of love,
My journey hereon is to teach this shrunken body of mine,
who has forgotten how to love, that it can love again
but that it must start with loving her own self & to love it fiercely, unafraid.
instead of trying to find it in men like you
who only end up breaking her,
(which is not totally your faults because just as iron sharpeneth iron, so the broken breaketh broken)
i am to teach her, to hammer it into her senses like a carpenter drives nail into wood,
that she too is worthy & deserving of all the love and grace she extends freely to others,
even those who give her none back in return.
ever since i left, i’ve searched my way to love & worthiness,
and i found it was never with you,
it was always with me.
this is the second of a three-part poetry i’m piecing together on abuse, self worth and true love.
this was about a woman’s journey to regaining her self worth and learning to love herself again after the brokenness is over. i hope you enjoyed it. thanks for reading. let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
the third part (which will be on loooove😘💞 ) drops next week God willing. stay tuned😌
(and oh happy birthday Ghana 🇬🇭🇬🇭🇬🇭🌺❤️🎉. happy independence day to my fellow ghanaians both here and across the diaspora. long live the motherland🇬🇭🥰)
meanwhile, stay safe & mask up!😷